Yes, You Can Have Sex and Take Things Slow!
Taking it Slow
First of all if anyone ever verbalizes that they want to take it slow they are truly not into you. All this crap about having been hurt before and wanting to be careful is weak! When someone verbalizes that they want to take it slow that simply means they may want to have sex with you but they have no intention of calling you honey, introducing you to their friends or ever falling in love with you. I know it stings for a moment but I don’t want to waste your time trying to pretend that the guy might like you and might come around.
With all that said you can still “take it slow”. But I do not mean that you should try to deny how you feel about someone or force yourself not to see them as much as you would like. That is not taking it slow that is actually living in denial. It is being dishonest to yourself and won’t in any way protect you from getting hurt, make you appear emotionally cool or impress the person you are dating. In fact it will likely send them running.
But if you have been hurt before, constantly get your hopes up only to crash and feel like you get fooled over and over it is time to take it slow! Here are some suggestions that don’t require you to verbalize or deny anything.
- When you find out their last name avoid attaching it to your first name or even hyphenating it in your head. And along with adopting their last name before date three, avoid imagining your furniture in their living room, your pets getting along and how your shoes would fit in their closet.
- Vacations should never be planned for a future date longer than the two of you have been dating. In other words if you have only been dating six weeks don’t plan a vacation six months out. If it doesn’t work out you will be grieving the loss of the vacation along with the loss of your short term lover.
- Avoid nesting in their home. Don’t start stocking your favorite foods on their shelves, cleaning and doing their laundry. Not only would losing this nest hurt a little extra but it is also unsexy to become their mother. Sure you can cook a meal in their house but don’t take over a drawer in their dresser and begin ironing their work clothes after your first sleep over.
- Don’t over share. I have seen women pour too many of their problems out to their new found lover. Women tend to think that sharing is defining the relationship as deeper. Truth is that most men hate this drama and the only one feeling that it is bringing the relationship closer is the one over sharing. This is healthy for intimate couples that have built the trust but date number three should not include a discussion on what a bitch your sister is.
- Sex is wonderful and especially wonderful as you are learning so many things about a new lover. Take it slow in the bedroom. This doesn’t mean just having vanilla sex. But your fantasies are a precious and private part of you. Be sexy in the bedroom but slowly unravel those fantasies to be sure the person you are with is worthy of knowing every little thing about you.
Finding a new love is amazing. Don’t deny how happy you are. Enjoy every minute, take it slow and if you get hurt you will get over it and heal! But don’t worry about that happening because we tend to create our biggest fears!