Which Came First… You Became Too Needy or He Became a Jerk?
Let me paint the perfect picture of how a girl comes to think she is too needy. Girl meets a great guy! They start dating. He calls and texts every day. They have sex, spend nights together, meet each other’s friends and everything is perfect. Suddenly the guy changes his behavior. The time between text messages starts to increase rapidly. He doesn’t commit to plans with you as quickly as he used to and your consistent date nights become inconsistent.
You start to feel that surge of panic. And you ask yourself this ridiculous question…Am I too needy? You begin to rationalize that things progressed quickly and perhaps he just needs a little space. You fight the urge to follow up an unanswered text with a phone call and convince yourself you are being too needy. You seek advice from friends and only listen to those who are convincing you that everything is fine because this calms you for the moment. You try your best to stay busy and keep your cool but down deep you know that something has changed!
When someone changes their behavior in a relationship it simply means that someone’s feelings have changed. Perhaps they become so comfortable with you that they begin spending more time with you, or the dreaded possibility that they are losing interest and they pull back.
Ladies you are not too needy because you want a guy that will consistently call and text you. You are not too needy because you want someone that thinks about you throughout the day and calls you for no apparent reason. You are not too needy because you want to ensure that your date night is still on. The reality is a little more painful! You are not too needy but he may have lost interest.
If suddenly he is pulling back it is likely because he has lost interest. Sure sometimes there may be an unusual circumstance that provokes this behavior. Perhaps a parent comes to visit causing some stress or he gets trapped in an endless work meeting. But most of the time when your gut is telling you that he is pulling away you’re exactly right. So naturally you feel a little needy and just might act out those feelings. This will eventually force him to end it and you are left believing that your neediness has driven yet another guy away.
I think this is important to take a close look at. Because you just may be targeting the wrong issue. If you are turning guys off before the neediness kicks in try to figure out what it is. This way you have the opportunity to change it forever and therefore change your dating pattern. Perhaps you are always engaging in friend’s drama, perhaps you get defensive over little things, or maybe you talk incessantly. The truth is only you can really figure out what annoying attributes you possess. And only you can make a positive change to attract a lasting relationship. Some may read this with the attitude that they are not changing. I understand the defensiveness and am not asking anyone to change for a guy! But if you are annoying and doing something to turn off the opposite sex, I think it would be better to know what it is then pretend it doesn’t exist. Just my opinion…I am sure many of you have others.