Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Do you know anyone in one of those ambivalent relationships? You know the type that is always questioning whether or not they should stay or go. You would imagine that they get so exhausted trying to make a decision and really you and everyone that loves them knows exactly what they should do!

Here is a little activity that might help you or “your friend” make that tough decision.

Take a moment to imagine spending the rest of your life with this person as is. Imagine every holiday, and vacation includes this person with the traits that you find undesirable. Depending on where you are in life imagine this person co-parenting children and engaging in school events. Think about what you are feeling. Does dread come to mind? Are you thinking oh please this would be hell? Or are you thinking that it would be perfect and it makes you very happy? Be honest with yourself!

After a few minutes of this activity it is time to replace these thoughts with imagining what it would be like to never be with this person again. You can still have all of the wonderful things in your life but deduct the annoying qualities that this person adds. Perhaps you are disrespected, ignored, lied to. Whatever it is that keeps you going back and forth are the things you need to imagine living without. Do you feel relief, like a weight was taken off of your shoulders? I understand fear might initially accompany the image but be sure you know what that fear is. Is it losing this person or simply get through the whole break up process?

People stay in unhappy relationships all of the time and usually for all the wrong reasons. It can be scary to imagine being alone. Many are afraid no one else will ever love them. But if you are able to get this one person to be with you why convince yourself that you couldn’t find another. Perhaps you could find someone who lacks the qualities that continually disappoint you.

The truth is that you will never know until you face your fears of being alone and begin to accept things in your life that make you happy. When you are in a healthy relationship you never question whether or not they are the one. You are not repeating the “should I stay or should I go” question in your head over and over again. Sure you might argue from time to time and think for short intervals that you can’t stand the person. That is normal. But it is really time to take a look at your relationship when you are feeling this way even when you are not arguing.

I speak from experience. Many have read my book Crush, I stayed in multiple relationships because of so many fears. Some I eventually walked away from and others left me feeling rejected. I am one of the fortunate ones that was able to find that guy that only annoys me when we are arguing. If you have not found it then don’t miss an opportunity. I understand it is hard to pick up and walk away. But please just start by admitting that your plan is to go. As I always say “never settle”.

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