Shallow?

Think back to your first crush… were the earlier crushes that much different from those who you are attracted today? Studies have shown that by the age of 8 we begin to develop “our type”. Honestly, I think mine started even younger. Now I didn’t always date “my type” because I had a lot of desperate years where I would take what I could get.  But my type hasn’t strayed all that much. I never liked the super big muscle guys (although I did date one from match.com). It ended when he confessed that he wanted to be a stripper and texted me some nude poses. That was always a massive turn off. I also never cared much for the super educated, cerebral type. For me I have always liked the funny, quirky guy with the boy next door type of looks. I had a pretty big list of turn offs too… above 6’2, small hands, high pitched voice, not handy, heavy drinkers, and the list goes on and on.    

Many have lists that look quite similar to mine and many will ask…

 Am I shallow because of the turn off list? Absolutely not!

Should I try to get past some of these deal breakers? Probably not!

Will I ever find someone who meets these qualifications? Yes, I did so why can’t you!

First of all stop fearing that you are shallow. Our brains are all wired differently and we all have different things that turn us on and off. Just like with food. Some people love pizza and other’s hate it. It doesn’t mean that pizza is bad it just means that it doesn’t work for you!

It would be very hard to get past many of these deal breakers, especially if they began to develop as young as 8 years old. Personally if I tried to date a guy with small hands I think it would annoy me incessantly. It is not fair to him for me to cringe every time he reaches to hold my hand. I would hate for him to ever learn that something he has no power to change turns me off. This reminds me of a recent friend who was dating a girl that was too tall. He tried hard but the attraction just wasn’t working. He felt badly about this reaction so as a result he stuck around longer then he should have. As if staying with her and pretending that he found her desirable was the noble thing to do.  

There is no reason to feel badly about this unless you are trying to live a lie. You see many would have no problem with the guy who has small hands and the tall girl. In fact many would laugh at these silly deal breakers. So it would make much more sense for Mr. Small Hands to go out and find a girl that adores everything about him! Perhaps the tall girl likes small handed men? Just because it turns one person off doesn’t mean it will turn everyone off.

I will add that overtime the list of turn offs do change. In my 20’s I never would have dated a bald man and now I find it quite sexy (far sexier than the comb over look). I also wouldn’t date a guy shorter than me because I used to be very self conscious about my height. Today it wouldn’t matter one bit. As we change, grow and get older the things we find attractive will evolve. But most of us will always be attracted to a specific type and should never have to sacrifice that attraction.



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