Never Ask Her… Why Are You Still Single?

We all have those friends that are single and searching for love. Now I know there are still those who enjoy being single and I fully respect their decision. But let’s talk about those friends that so want to find that perfect relationship.

I know a lot about this because when I was in my thirties I was one of those ladies. I remember walking through the mall pushing the stroller of my one year old son. I had not yet accepted my new status of being a single mother. I was angry at the world. And let me tell you if I saw a woman with a wedding ring on, I hated her. And if there was a man carrying her bags I hated both of them. I had great difficulty hiding my anger and knew that being single was not something I was ready to face. I needed my friends to help pull me through and a few of them were just great. So here are my tips on how to be a support to that single friend.

  1. First off you should never ask a friend why they are still single. Truth is they are single because they are not married. Some will say they haven’t met the right guy, some don’t want to settle and others have no clue. It is usually a combination of many things that will hopefully get resolved in time.
  2. Even if you do not have a happy relationship of your own, never claim they are better off being single. They don’t necessarily want to emulate your unhappy relationship but they don’t want to find true love. Discouraging them from doing so is only annoying. You can’t change what they desire to have.
  3. If this friend falls into a terrible pattern of dating jerks remind them that they are settling again. Don’t attack them for their stupid mistake. Remember sometimes they feel so desperate to have some form a relationship that they convince themselves that they might need to settle. No one should ever settle on respect and chemistry. But yelling at them will only drive them away from you and closer to that jerk. Reminding them how wonderful they are just might do the trick and help them to realize they are continuing with a bad pattern.
  4. Some of these friends may still be skeptical about internet dating and speed dating. If you give them a stamp of approval to get out there and have some fun they are more likely to feel better about trying something new.
  5. NEVER buy them a self-help book. It suggests that they are doing something wrong and may just upset them. So many of these women are convinced that if they just find the guy all of the self-help crap will disappear. I know this because that is exactly what I thought about 12 years ago.
  6. As an alternative, buy them the book Crush! This is a book about all of my dating mistakes. Your single friend will laugh and cry as she walks down memory lane with me. And the best part is that at the end of each chapter I offer the most important dating advice they can get. It is a quick fun read that they won’t put down!


  1. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t want to hit the bars and clubs with your single friend. If you are married with a family you are not expected to go back to single life just to help your friend. And this may lead to problems within your own family. Following the steps above will help her to find a great guy and maybe even meet some single friends along the way.

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