How To Repel Unhealthy People
Step 1. Believe you can do this. There are many people in the world including myself who have successfully learned how to repel unhealthy people and attract wonderful new people. If one person can do this anyone can. The key is to uncover what strategies and resources worked for them and embrace them. That is exactly what I will offer you in this blog. If you believe you have the power to change the people you bring into your life keep reading…
Step 2. Be completely honest with yourself. This may sound simple. In fact, you may be shaking your head up and down and convincing yourself that you already do this. But let’s go back to your last unhealthy relationship. If I were to ask you why the relationship ended what would you share? Many would begin telling me about the ex. Perhaps she was crazy, he was narcissistic, they cheated, etc…Now stop for a moment and ask yourself where in this process you first noticed their behavior. Be completely honest with yourself. If you are inclined to tell me how well they hid it or how fooled you were you haven’t begun to be completely honest with yourself. Imagine opening the curtains and looking clearly into the relationship with a lens that can only see your habits, reactions and behaviors that contributed to this. It is not about excusing them. But they are not part of the equation of repelling unhealthy people from your life. Basically I don’t care about them. I am focused on you.
Step 3. Recognize all the limiting beliefs that have interfered with repelling unhealthy people from your life. Below are some of the most common ones. Before you defend the limiting belief slow down and consider why you are looking to defending it.
- I am just really nice and want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
- I think I can help them even though they don’t want or appreciate my help.
- They were hurt before or had a tough childhood and that is why they do this.
- All men ask for naked pictures so I have to share to keep him interested.
- It is better to deal with this bs than be single (or alone) again.
- It’s too hard to walk away. Forget about everything I know is wrong it is just easier to stay.
- What if it really is my fault?
- I might be alone forever if I can’t make this work.
- The chemistry is so good.
- I know there is really some good inside him/her.
When you recognize that the above statements are actually making excuses, keeping you in an unhealthy situation and causing you to sacrifice your happiness you will be able to start to reframe these beliefs. Let’s use the first one for an example. Let’s change this to I am really nice and love to give to my friends and family members that appreciate me and reciprocate. Giving to someone that mistreats me and doesn’t’ reciprocate always leaves me feeling exhausted, defeated and badly. I am ready to feel happy and focus my generosity on the great people in my life. This new belief will repel the person who is only there to take advantage of you.
Step 4. Change your reaction. When an unhealthy person yells at you don’t yell back. You can’t argue with someone committed to disagreeing with you. Letting them know you don’t engage in this drama with repel someone that feeds off of this. If you are newly dating someone with an unhealthy pattern or behavior you can walk away. Getting upset or trying to change or control them doesn’t work. If you show them that you don’t have room in your life for this toxic behavior they will either strive to improve or let you walk away and find someone who will tolerate it. But trying to change someone so you don’t have to deal with your own fear of walking away is not going to magically make them healthier. If you are with someone who is chronically complaining about life remember you are half of the equation in creating this dialogue. Instead of joining them in the negativity change the subject. Talk about something bright and happy! Perhaps they will follow your lead and discover how much happier it is to think about positive things. If not you will repel them and they will find someone who will engage in the negative drama.
Step 5. Don’t be manipulated! Unhealthy people love the company of others and will often try to convince you take them back. They usually know which button to push to get a reaction out of you. They may use guilt, sex, fear, etc…Recognize what is happening and ask yourself if sacrificing your happiness in life is worth the toxic, dramatic, unhealthy patterns that the relationship brings into your life. When you are strong enough to see the entire picture you will be strong enough to repel these unhealthy people!
There are times in life when we have people in our lives that we can not completely avoid, a boss, an ex who we share custody with or a relative. These strategies will still work to train these people that you don’t tolerate being mistreated. Never underestimate your power to attract healthy people. The results will change your life. Especially your love life.
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