How Can Making Dinner Be So Wrong?
So every once in a while (and I mean once in a while) Erik has this brilliant idea to make dinner. He opens up a recipe book, goes to the grocery store and creates an amazing meal for the family. Now rationally I know that I am very lucky to have a husband that helps out like this and takes the burden off of me once in a while.
But for some reason it never plays out quite like this. I begin getting defensive. I feel as if he is trying to say that I am not a good enough wife and should have already made such a delicious meal. I do cook but it is rare that I pull open a recipe book like he does. I am great with Mexican night, throwing some burgers on the grill and easy chicken and rice dishes. My meals are edible and no one ever complains.
But what the heck is wrong with me that these feelings of anger and inadequacy consume me when Erik takes over the kitchen. He never makes comments offending me and genuinely wants to enjoy this little hobby from time to time. He also happens to make some of the best food we have ever eaten!
Well it was time to dig a little deeper and figure out what was happening. You see so often couples end up in ridiculous fights with endless drama. They forget why they are even mad and don’t understand what triggered them to begin with.
I could have pretended he was trying to offend me and let my own issues carry out one of those unhealthy and miserable disagreements. But I have figured it all out. I have some ridiculous belief that stems way back to my childhood about not being good enough. I don’t blame anyone for instilling this belief in me as we are all victims of our own upbringing. But regardless this message has stayed with me my entire life. In some ways it has served me well as it pushed me to grow my business, write a book and raise an amazing family. But in others ways it has led to conflict. Like when Erik wants to prepare an evening meal.
It is never too late to change the beliefs that we hold onto. From now on when Erik begins to bang those pots and pans I just need to remind myself that I am good enough! It may take lots of reminders in the beginning but I think I have this one under control.
So next time you end up in an argument with someone you are in a relationship with you just need to check in with yourself. Do any of the emotions you are feeling come from a negative belief that was instilled in you as a child? This might be an excellent opportunity to learn a little more about yourself and grow from the experience.
Now don’t get me wrong, Erik isn’t always right! But being able to admit when you are wrong can really do wonders for your relationship! So Erik… I was wrong and please could you make dinner tonight, I really don’t feeling like eating Mexican again!