Casual Sex Anyone?
Sex is great and we all want to have sex regardless of whether or not we are in a committed relationship. I get so many questions from singles about who they should and shouldn’t be having casual sex with. So hopefully my feedback will be useful to you.
I have to tell you that I am not a fan of this casual sex. But if you have to do it then keep these things in mind.
- Is it casual sex or are you being used? I hear so many women convincing themselves that they have a friend with benefits or a casual lover. It is as if putting one of these labels on it makes it more meaningful. Let me be blunt…if he is f!@#ing you while waiting for something better to come along and you are into him…you are being used for sex. If you are both using each other and you are fine with this, that is a different story.
- If you are going to have a casual sex partner, friend with benefits or lover I suggest you go straight for the player! I know men hate this because it confirms the whole nice guys finish last theory! But honestly I don’t see these guys finishing anything beyond a hot night of sex. With the player, at least you know exactly what you are getting. There is far less guess work involved and most of the women I know having casual sex are still caught up in this type of guy. So if you are going to do it, make it worth it! Plus it is easier to rationalize being treated this way by someone who has a reputation of treating all women this way.
- If you think for one minute that the casual sex you are having isn’t affecting your chances of meeting Mr. Right you just may be kidding yourself. See in most cases these sexual encounters with no strings attached leave you feeling like crap! This sets you back emotionally and puts you in a place that is far less attractive. Maybe not physically but the guy looking for a committed relationship sees beyond your physical shell. Also if you are feeling lazy and your part time lover is available you will likely gravitate to spending the night with him as opposed to heading out with girlfriends, going speed dating or any other option that could lead you to Mr. Right.
- Ladies you don’t have to admit this to me but please admit it to yourself…If you think that you need to use your body to impress a man you are looking to impress the wrong men! Don’t get me wrong you need to have some sex appeal but being a confident, secure, funny and happy woman is going to lock the type of guy that you really want in for a lot longer than a roll in the hay!
With all of that said I want you to know that sex is great! And if you can truly have a casual relationship with someone sexually and feel good about yourself then I fully encourage you to do that. Of course assuming he wears a condom but I hope that goes without saying! I will add that there are many women using men for sex as well. So guys just switch the pronoun and the advice works both ways!
What I have learned from experience is that sex with someone who knows and loves you far exceeds the casual and often selfish encounter. But I understand fully that we all have needs! Just be honest with yourself about what you are doing, what you really want and don’t miss any opportunities to find it! Because you really deserve to have it all!