Can You Really Deal With What They Are Thinking?
There are times when the one you are dating finds you annoying, unattractive or just a complete turn off! Sure we all have our off days. We are human! We wake up with bad breath, fluctuate in our weight, have bad hair days, body odor and moody dramatic moments. Perhaps the dress we thought was hot doesn’t work anymore or the new lipstick makes us look cheesy. Or perhaps it is just a turn off to that one person that we love.
What do you really want them to do? Please don’t respond to the question by saying that they should just love you for you. This is ridiculous and a complete cop out! If your significant other is turned off then this is a chemistry thing. And chemistry is real. We can’t control the things that turn us on and off no matter how hard we try!
There are two options for how your loved one can deal with this! First is that hey could ignore it. But remember ignoring it just means they don’t share it with you. It does not mean that they aren’t thinking it, aren’t feeling turned off or even disgusted. But they just might choose to ignore it as they fear a dramatic, emotional reaction from you. And let me tell you there is nothing less attractive than a dramatic, emotional outburst!
Another option would be to give them permission to tell you. Now this doesn’t mean that you have a serious talk and tell them that you want them to share their honest opinions with you. They likely will think it is a set up and will still remain silent. This begins by you asking them their opinions of things and even allowing them to offer constructive criticism. It might be like this…
You-Hey I am thinking this skirt makes my butt look to big, I have another option so be honest.
Him-Actually honey, I think it was the pint of ice cream you had for dessert last night that makes your butt look big.
Now here is your chance to laugh and have fun with it! Truth is if you think it makes your butt look fat than you are probably right. So why not want the honestly? Now if you laugh and say “ok the other skirt it is”, he will learn that you are open to his honesty. If you storm away calling him a jerk then you will never get another honest answer again.
I am in a relationship where my husband Erik can offer honest feedback on almost anything and I can roll with it! In fact I stole the pint of ice cream joke from him. Just a few quick rules he needs to stick to and I will always be open to it!
1. Never tell me you don’t like my hair or outfit after we have arrived to the party. Be sure to look at me before we leave the house and offer the feedback while I still have chance to change things.
2. Never give me the negative feedback when other people are around. It just looks so disrespectful and would be embarrassing for everyone present.
3. Never offer the feedback during my days of PMS. Ok I am kidding on that one. It is not your job to track my emotional rollercoaster just forgive me if I should become a bit more dramatic during those few days!
To sum this whole thing up remember that laughter will bring your relationship closer and drama will pull it apart. You decide how you want things to go!