The Chapter Never Written

I left out so many details of my first marriage in my book Crush for many reasons. I knew my son who was 11 at the time would read the book. I also wanted to focus on what I actually learned from the relationship as that was the premise of the book. But the biggest reason I left out the painful details was because I was afraid of him. I feared my ex-husband for so many reasons. He was abusive, controlling and anytime I disagreed with him there was a price to pay.   I remember when Matt was two and I had to travel for work. This was shortly after our divorce. Steve wanted to stay at my condo with my son. I was torn between listening to my new boyfriend point out how I bent over backwards for Steve and giving into Steve to keep the peace. I said no...

Lessons From Ray Rice

Although everything in the news about Ray Rice is creating growing awareness about domestic violence I think it causes more damage than good. I am especially concerned with the damage this does to our teen and young adult population. 1. So many girls and women in unhealthy relationships have lowered the bar on what is acceptable. They will think that because their man never knocked them out cold with his fist that he is better than Ray Rice. So if he is not as bad as Ray he must be pretty good. They believe that because their boyfriend has never hit them that hard that he likely never will. They have no concept that this behavior gets worse and not better. 2. This normalizes it for boys. If Ray Rice did it what is the big deal? He was angry and had to defend himself. They rationalize the violent behavior. They fail to...

20 Things to Ask Your Date?

If you are trying to think of what to say to a match.com prospect, speed dater or someone you are newly dating try these.  These questions are likely going to make you laugh, lead into more interesting topics and help you get to know each other better. Just be sure to have your answers prepared before you ask. What was the last thing you spent over $100 on? What was the last thing you resisted buying? What was the last thing you cooked that failed? What is messier your car, fridge or desk? What was the last thing you had to fix? When did you last visit the Emergency Room? Would you rather have a cleaning lady or a chef? When was the last time you fell or did something clumsy? Does anyone in the room remind you of someone? What did you have for breakfast today? What is your least favorite chore? Have you ever met anyone famous? Who is your celebrity...

Dating Dads

Here are some quick tips for Dating Dads that may surprise you. Dating Dads usually come with an ex. Remember they are your ex and it is not your responsibility to drop everything to help out. The sooner you get your ex to depend on someone else the sooner you will have your freedom to live your life. When a new date asks you about your divorce never blame the ex. It is really not an appropriate discussion for a new date. Keep your answer simple, honest and change the subject. Don't use this as an opportunity to blast your ex. This will just make you look bitter and angry. Something that is very unsexy when you are trying to connect with a new lady in your life. Don't over apologize to your new partner. Sometimes single dads have some guilt issues. When you screw up you need to own it. And you...

Stupid Things Never To Say In An Argument

People argue all the time. I have been married 10 years and we have some great arguments! It doesn't really matter who is right most of the time (although it is me). What matters is that it is constructive and everyone feels respected. Here are the stupid things that people say that can really just destroy an argument. You didn't apologize correctly-Many times someone will apologize to keep the peace and move on. Usually that person is the stronger person and you should be thankful they are able to do this. Obviously if they say "sorry but you are a complete idiot" you won't accept it. But if they say they are sorry take it and move on. You don't even know what you did wrong-This is a woman usually yelling at a man. Typically men don't know or understand what they did wrong. And many times they did nothing wrong. I...

Tips For Moms (Single, Dating and Married)

Singles Moms-I love that you adore your kids, they are your top priority and you are a terrific mother. But please ladies this doesn't need to be the first thing you say in your match profiles. It basically screams that you are one of those moms who feels guilty whenever you aren't doing something for your kids. This sound a little weak and not very sexy. Dating Moms-Don't let your kids decide who you date. If your 8 year old hates the guy you bring home that is okay. Often young kids feel threatened by a new guy in the picture. Don't introduce them too early and validate their feelings. But if you know the guy is a good one it is best to trust yourself and make your own decisions. Moms in Committed Relationships-The biggest argument these couples have is about parenting. So often mothers try to protect their kids from...

Please Tell Me You Didn’t Say This in Your Profile!

I am always on match.com making over profiles and I see so many simple ways that one could improve their profile in just a few words. Here is a list of some of my favorite silly mistakes and how to clean them up quickly!   “I love my life”. Many profiles actually start with this sentence or slip it in somewhere along the way. Nothing says I hate my life more than writing that you love your life. I believe many do have a great life but when that is the opening line it just sounds so forced. It is especially funny when you click on their pictures and they are frowning in half of them.  “I want a successful, intelligent, confident” blah blah blah. This really says that you have dated just the opposite. Who doesn’t want those things? It is pretty obvious. No one is going to say I want a...

To Kiss or Not to Kiss?

I have heard women say they simply don't kiss on the first date. They are a complete different breed than those who are contemplating whether or not to have sex on the first date. Or at least that is what they want us to believe. I don't fully understand why someone wouldn't kiss on the first date but I respect that decision. However, I am going to share with you why I think it is a good idea. This only applies to kissing someone that you are attracted to. Under no circumstances do I think you should kiss someone that you are not into. In fact, I am pretty confident that if you aren't feeling it before the kiss you are only going to feel it less after the kiss. Kissing someone that you think is cute feels incredible. It is not going to cause a disease or even lead someone...

When Should We Become Facebook Friends

We are so curious to learn everything we can about our potential new partner as fast as possible. Facebook is likely the most telling of all. We want to see their photos, read their posts, calculate how many likes they have and even view their friends, groups and interests. I just took a look at my husband's facebook page to see what I could learn while trying to pretend that I didn't know him. First thing that I noticed was that his pictures are super creepy! The cover photo is an up close shot of him with one eye dilated. You can see every last blemish on his face. Let's face it we all look better with a little distance. His profile picture is him covered in dirt at the end of a tough mudder. I admit that is kind of hot but you can't really even tell what he...

It Could Be All Your Fault

Most people get angry when I suggest that it might be their fault that their last relationship ended. I understand completely. It is so much easier to blame someone else. But I am not the person that is going to coddle you or sit around and bash your ex lover. My sister recently attacked me when I tried to help her see the things that she did that may have damaged her last relationship. She actually said "you would never tell a client it was their fault!" I corrected her and said, "actually that is exactly what I do." If you are ready to face the truth keep reading. We often create exactly what we fear! This may sound a bit confusing but follow these examples. My neighbor Tommy is a 13 year old boy. He fears kids won't like him so he is always trying to brag and one up...



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