Got 5 Minutes - Connecticut speed dating

Shacking Up!

admin — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:04:46 +0000

In summary you need to be very careful before making the decision to shack up! I find that the fantasy of shacking up is not always the reality. Let’s take a look at the men first. He imagines going out with the guys just as much but having the added bonus of the cute girlfriend waiting up for him. The idea of her cleaning, cooking and sharing expenses is very appealing too. Now the ladies typically have a different vision. They see themselves spending more time together. They look forward to sharing furniture, favorite TV shows and soon a puppy. They may see this as 1 step closer to getting that diamond ring. Now not everyone has these exact fantasies but the point is to be sure you are both on the same page. Moving in together when you are not convinced that this is the person you are going to marry can lead to disaster. The emotional attachment along with the shared belongings (especially that new puppy) makes it harder to walk away from a relationship that was never quite right.

I have done both folks! I moved in with my first husband within one year of dating. We shacked up for years while all our friends were getting married. So we moved forward with our wedding, bought a home together, had a beautiful baby boy and landed in divorce court just after his first birthday. The second time around was different. His house sold just 2 weeks prior to our scheduled trip to Vegas. The ring was purchased and we were both sure of our commitment to each other. We had another child who just turned 3 and life is still happy!

Research shows that 8 out of 10 couples who live together before marriage end up breaking up or eventually divorced. Sure there are many cases, especially in second relationships where it works. Both agree that marriage is not of interest and they share the same vision for the relationship. The biggest mistake is believing that shacking up will fix a challenged relationship. Fix it first and I can assure you everyone will be much happier!

Quick Tips for Match.com

admin — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 00:19:25 +0000

I am one of the many who can actually say that match.com works! I met my husband 9 years ago on this site and I even have a match.com baby who is about to turn 3. Why does it work so well for some and not others? The most obvious reason is attitude! Many folks have decided prior to even creating their profile that it will never work. And with that attitude they are absolutely correct! But it you can go into it with a positive attitude than these tips will make all the difference. Here goes…

1. The pics are the most important thing about this site. Everyone is looking for chemistry and not a person out there doesn’t go straight for the pics. So please don’t post your cat, dog, boat, sunset, car or anything else that people don’t really care about. They want to see you and you within the past year. One close up face and one candid is plenty. It is not facebook so you don’t need endless albums.

2. Well I said pics are the most important so it is going to take 2 tips to cover this subject. Don’t pose for a pic with others in the pic. Especially if they are more attractive than you! If you are self conscious about your weight don’t stand next to that friend that is a size 2. If you have to pose with someone else just be sure that you are the better looking one in the pic. This may sound harsh but I repeat…everyone is looking for that chemistry.

3. Don’t write a book. Keep it simple and capture what makes you special. If you can throw something funny in there as well. But a favorite poem or speech instead of describing yourself is just distracting. And don’t use the templates offered by match. It is obvious when you are doing that.

4. If you are local 4 or 5 emails over a couple of days is enough before initiating that first date. Unless you are simply looking for a pen pal. I hear so many folks complain about endless hours of emails and never getting to the date. If they don’t initiate it than you need to in order not to waste time.

5. GOOGLE! Can we all agree that the word “google” is now a verb? You can find out so much about someone through a quick google search. It can also be pretty entertaining and may bring you to more pics.

Those are my top 5 tips and I followed every one of them. Have fun and if match is not working for you, there is always speed dating : )

Some Guys Will Never Change

admin — Sun, 16 May 2010 14:35:00 +0000

Brad Paisley’s girlfriend (girlfriend in the video) played it just perfect. She said, “I would have to choose If I hit that fishin’ hole today she’d be packin’ all her things and she’d be gone by noon”. And as you can see she left! Much better than just nagging and bitching at him all the time. Here is the deal ladies, if there is ever a chance he is going to change he will only get there if he see you won’t accept the annoying behavior. Be tough and clear and let him know what your deal breakers are. Avoid the nagging or he will just think you are nuts. In the case of Brad, he was never going to change! So funny how he has seconds thoughts of running back to her but the waters right and the weathers perfect. Well now she knows for sure that this guy was always going to put fishing fishing and that is not cool with her.

Obviously this is not a true story but a hilarious way to teach the ladies a good lesson.

Mom, Please!

admin — Sun, 09 May 2010 15:10:35 +0000

I remember dating when I was in high school and college. My mom loved to embarrass me any chance she could! I was dating this guy from college and he was coming for a visit over the summer break. I pleaded with my mom to act “normal”. C’mon mom just pretend you are making dinner, I would request. She said sure and proceeded to pick up the phone and pretend to be ordering take out. That is not as bad as the night she actually did attempt to cook dinner for one of my boyfriends. My dad describes the meatloaf recipe best. Take hamburg, shape in square, cook til burnt, serve cold.

Even funnier is when I brought a guy home just months after my college graduation. We pulled up to mom’s beautiful house on the beach. Mom thought she would be funny and hang my huge “Congratulations Jaimy” sign across the front porch. What once referred to my college graduation was now congratulating me for having a date. Fortunately, my date found it funny! You can imagine the look I gave my mom when I entered the house!

Well mom you certainly didn’t teach me how to cook! But you did teach me how to laugh!

My mom died 15 years ago but some of my fondest memories revolve around dating! If your date can’t appreciate your mom than my tip is… Move on!

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

After the Speed Dating

admin — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 19:01:18 +0000

You walk through the door of Murphy and Scarletti’s into the dimly lit bar area. You look to the left as Jaimy instructed and see the private room. You wonder so many things… anyone cute in there, will that guy pick me, did I wear the right thing, what the heck am I going to talk about…As all these thoughts are piling up Jaimy and her staff greet you with a smile, explain the ice breaker and boom you have begun a night of speed dating. Before you know it the bell is ringing every 5 minutes and the night is flying by. All of a sudden Laurie is collecting the date cards and the night is over. Wow 15 dates in less than 90 minutes. Seems like a world record. You get home and you made a match. Perhaps you selected a few singles and but only got one. Don’t whine and complain about that. It is simply terrific that you had a mutual attraction with someone that evening. Now do you wait for them to call, do you wonder if they had multiple matches, focus your energy on the match you didn’t get? No way! If you made a match shoot them an email! Something quick and friendly. Perhaps a follow up comment about a discussion you shared or a joke about the evening. Don’t wait! Perhaps they did get multiple matches? Let your email be the first one they see when they arrive home.

I know this tip works from personal experience. When I was on match.com nine long years ago I tried it myself. Every morning I viewed the newly posted match.com profiles and emailed them that very moment. I was the very first girl that emailed Erik just moments after he posted his picture. Although he was my 13th date, I was his very first! Nine years later we are still together! Happily married and raising our family. Sure there is a lot of rejection in internet dating and speed dating. But don’t be afraid to feel a little bit of rejection because it just brings you so much closer to finding that great relationship! I hope to see you at an event soon! Jaimy

Toby Keith Says it Best!

admin — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 17:54:56 +0000

It is so disappointing when you are on a date with someone that seems terrific and they just don’t shut up! I am quite sure guys are laughing at this, but I can assure you it happens to the ladies as well. It looks like this…
Girl- I just joined this great new gym today, they were offering a terrific deal.
Guy-Yeah, I ran 6 miles this morning, got up at 5 AM and blah blah blah…
The guy shows no interest in even asking where it is, or what she likes to do at the gym. He just wants to talk about himself. Just the opposite… it is so annoying when a girl starts babbling about her friend’s drama. Or work gossip about someone the date doesn’t even know. Toby Keith says it best…

Breaking up!

admin — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:49:36 +0000

So if I hear through the grapevine that a woman I’ve dated twice feels I “left her hanging” by not calling for a third date, even though I thought it was evident that the chemistry wasn’t there on the 2nd date. I’ll probably e-mail or call again. So as a woman/dating guru, do you prefer/recommend (a) a blatant statement that the chemistry isn’t there or (b) a relatively short, but nice e-mail that doesn’t ask her out again? I’ve had some hurt feelings over both kinds in past years. I’ve certainly learned that trying to discuss the reasons why there’s no chemistry is a no-no after just a few dates. (The burnt hand teaches the best)

Quite simply after 2 dates you are not required to provide a formal breakup! After 2 dates and no chemistry you just slip away. Sure the other person feels a bit sad, disappointed and rejected. But that is the world of dating. If she doesn’t ask just move on. A call or email from you will only give her a bit of false hope. If she however does send you an email and asks I would nicely say that she was a great girl just not a match for you and wish her the best! Ouch it will sting for a moment but she will be fine!

Have a great weekend.

Am I a Jerk?

admin — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 18:22:39 +0000

I had a first date 2 weeks ago with a girl that I like. Our schedules were tricky and our next date is to be this weekend. Since then I met another the girl at a speed dating event that has knocked my socks off. Everything was just perfect and I want to pursue this. I can’t get her off my mind and would love to be going out with her this weekend. But I worry about hurting the other girl and to complicate things my neighbor set us up. I think she was really looking forward to our date as her life is quite hectic. Do I do the right thing and take her out and miss a chance to go out with this new love interest of mine?

Ok Mr. Stud, I hate to sound too harsh but I am speaking for all women when I respond to this… Don’t flatter yourself! I think girl #1 will be just fine without your date. The last thing any girl wants is a pity date. And your neighbor took this risk when she set you up. What are you going to do next, marry the girl to please your neighbor? Go out with the girl you have sparks with and enjoy every minute of it. Just please call girl #1 and let her know you need to cancel. A jerk would qualify as someone that just stood her up. Clearly you have too much character to do that or you wouldn’t be asking the question. Good luck! It sounds like you found what we are all looking for!
Jaimy

How Long Should I Wait?

admin — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:11:09 +0000

I have been on a 6 dates with this great guy over the past 2 months. The other night while we were talking he said that he likes me a lot. So I asked him what I needed to do to make him want to spend more time with me? His reply was let me come to you. I haven’t called or texted him now in 5 days and I have not heard from him either how long should I wait before I move on and try to meet someone new or should I give him a little more time and space.
Waiting…

Dear Waiting…
That is a great question! First ask yourself what exactly you want. Do you want to casually date a guy once or a twice a week? Or do you want a relationship where you check in with each other everyday and become part of each others lives? My guess is that you wouldn’t be asking this question if you didn’t want the relationship. No more waiting! But if you find it hard to move on here is my suggestion… Tell him that he is a great guy and that you have really enjoyed getting to know him. However, at this point in your life you are looking for something a bit more serious. Explain that it seems like the 2 of you are in different places and wish him the best of luck. No drama, no argument just a clear message. If there is ever a chance that he is capable or interested in getting past is commitment issues than this is it. And if not than this conversation will just give you the closure you need and help you realize he was never getting there anyways. And you will be free to find a guy that can give you everything you deserve.

Dating when your family is crazy

admin — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 00:31:06 +0000

Stephanie writes…My family is a little crazy. You know that typical loud Jewish family. We are hilarious and I think my sister and I could have our own reality show. How soon do I bring a guy home to meet them? I don’t want to scare him away but as you can imagine my Yenta Mom is always kvetching to meet any date!

Stephanie 44 years old from Stamford CT

You’re funny Stephanie! I could say the same about my hilarious family. I remember the day I brought a boyfriend home and my mom pulled out the old congratulations sign from my college graduation and hung it on the door. Fortunately, my date found humor in this! I also remember waiting for a date to pick me up back in my college days. As he pulled in the driveway I said to my family, “quick act normal, pretend to make dinner”. My mom picked up the phone and when I said “what are you doing why are you on the phone?” She replied “I am pretending to make reservations”. Stephanie your family is a big part of who you are. Don’t be embarrassed for a minute, just laugh and be yourself. Just like I told Mike, if he is already into you than this won’t be a deal breaker! The right guy for you will find this entertaining and will fall in love with you and your family.