- Change the way you think
- Compare to your worst tragedy
- Don’t sweat the sex, you can find that
- Don’t be a doormat

1. First thing you need to realize is that this is only as awful as you convince yourself! For some reason so many people resist believing me on this one but it is so very true! If you walk around day and night saying to yourself “I will never get over this” or “I can’t deal with the pain I am in” you will just keep convincing yourself and believing that this is a tragedy! So start saying other things in your head even if it hurts! Start saying “I saw the red flags and will learn from this experience” or “there is someone out there that is better for me that will treat me like I deserve”. Even if it feels like you are lying to yourself! Just say it!
2. Remember back to worse tragedies that you have experienced and it will help put things in perspective. Especially to those who have survived divorces and custody battles. A break up is hardly even comparable to something that traumatic.
3. Stop torturing yourself with all of the good memories. I often see women claiming that the sex and chemistry was so great! You can have great sex and chemistry with someone that doesn’t dump you or treat you like crap!
4. To the women that keep repeating “but I was so good to him, how could he do this to me?” Perhaps your issue is that you were too good to him. If you are constantly doting over your man, cooking, cleaning, offering to pick up his dry cleaning and let his dogs out you just might be too available. These girls tend to become doormats and nothing is less sexy! Don’t beat yourself up but learn from this. All that energy you put into being a great girlfriend should be poured right back in to taking care of yourself! Sure giving is great but if you are with someone that rarely reciprocates then you just might be his doormat.
5. Lastly, don’t ever swear off dating forever! All guys are not the same. But all the guys that you have attracted or that you gravitate towards are the same! Start changing the way you date and the choices you make and you will be amazed at how you can change your love life!

• Don’t get advice from miserable drama queens
• Don’t get advice form the hyper supportive friend
• Get Advice from your honest friend
• Don’t always run to your friends for dating advice
• Listen to your own intuition

• Negative beliefs
• Lazy Searchers
• Don’t dive deep enough into profiles
• Talk about when to take your profile down

1. First of all so many of the guys literally write a 5000 word essay in that ‘about me’ section. Internet dating is so time consuming as it is. If you honestly expect us to read the long boring profile and then take the time to respond and tell you why we are not compatible it is just not going to happen.
2. We are internet dating here. It is understood that you likely sent 25 messages to 25 different women. It is not as if we have some deep meaningful relationship that warrants any type of closure. No response means we are not interested. So please don’t even keep track of who you send to and you won’t need the closure.
3. Responding to you and telling you why we are not compatible only opens up a dialogue that we don’t want to have. We don’t want you responding trying to rebuttal our decision and believe me this does happen.
4. Do you really want to experience the excitement of seeing a message in your inbox only to get rejected moments later? Trust me we are saving you some grief.
5. It is my guess that these complaining men are window shopping and only writing to the women that are total tens. Usually those profiles are fake and will respond asking you for a credit card. Come back to reality and say hello to the cute girl next door and things might change.
6. And lastly, (this is harsh) if you are continually getting rejected and ignored stop dodging the bullet. The real issue isn’t that women are rude and not responding! The real issue is you! Perhaps you are only seeking women that are not in your criteria, perhaps your profile has 7 typos, or maybe you are not smiling in any pics. It could be anything. Figure it out before too much more time gets wasted.

Personally I think internet dating is fantastic. And there are many great men and women out there. I recently mentored a client through her first match.com experience and helped her screen 100’s of profiles. We found many great guys in the end. Some responded and some ignored her. Honestly, we only paid attention to those who responded and didn’t give it a second thought. It is a lot of work but well worth it in the end. I am one of those match.com success stories and am glad Blazman responded to my message 11 years ago. It does work!

• Don’t just say they need to love me for who I am. Be your best.
• Be unique
• If there is something that you don’t like about yourself make it work or change it if you can.
• Finding someone goes beyond your exterior shell.

I have to tell you that I am not a fan of this casual sex. But if you have to do it then keep these things in mind.

1. Is it casual sex or are you being used? I hear so many women convincing themselves that they have a friend with benefits or a casual lover. It is as if putting one of these labels on it makes it more meaningful. Let me be blunt…if he is f!@#ing you while waiting for something better to come along and you are into him…you are being used for sex. If you are both using each other and you are fine with this, that is a different story.
2. If you are going to have a casual sex partner, friend with benefits or lover I suggest you go straight for the player! I know men hate this because it confirms the whole nice guys finish last theory! But honestly I don’t see these guys finishing anything beyond a hot night of sex. With the player, at least you know exactly what you are getting. There is far less guess work involved and most of the women I know having casual sex are still caught up in this type of guy. So if you are going to do it, make it worth it! Plus it is easier to rationalize being treated this way by someone who has a reputation of treating all women this way.
3. If you think for one minute that the casual sex you are having isn’t affecting your chances of meeting Mr. Right you just may be kidding yourself. See in most cases these sexual encounters with no strings attached leave you feeling like crap! This sets you back emotionally and puts you in a place that is far less attractive. Maybe not physically but the guy looking for a committed relationship sees beyond your physical shell. Also if you are feeling lazy and your part time lover is available you will likely gravitate to spending the night with him as opposed to heading out with girlfriends, going speed dating or any other option that could lead you to Mr. Right.
4. Ladies you don’t have to admit this to me but please admit it to yourself…If you think that you need to use your body to impress a man you are looking to impress the wrong men! Don’t get me wrong you need to have some sex appeal but being a confident, secure, funny and happy woman is going to lock the type of guy that you really want in for a lot longer than a roll in the hay!

With all of that said I want you to know that sex is great! And if you can truly have a casual relationship with someone sexually and feel good about yourself then I fully encourage you to do that. Of course assuming he wears a condom but I hope that goes without saying! I will add that there are many women using men for sex as well. So guys just switch the pronoun and the advice works both ways!

What I have learned from experience is that sex with someone who knows and loves you far exceeds the casual and often selfish encounter. But I understand fully that we all have needs! Just be honest with yourself about what you are doing, what you really want and don’t miss any opportunities to find it! Because you really deserve to have it all!

1. Asks you out but seems to be completely unavailable between dates?
2. Invites you to meet him at a restaurant but isn’t clear as to whether it means dinner or drinks?
3. Says he will call you Friday to confirm the date and when you give in and text him on Saturday he acts like it was already confirmed?
4.  Seems interested but the relationship doesn’t seem to be escalating?

If you find yourself dating this ambivalent type of guy I imagine you are pretty annoyed! You are excited that he offers to call a day ahead to confirm the date and wait anxiously for the call. Down deep you wonder why he can’t just text or say hello to you prior to the confirmation but you have rationalized this in your head. You create some ridiculous notion that he is busy with the kids or taking it slow. Friday night comes and he doesn’t call or text. You so want to go out with him on Saturday and it has really been the highlight of your week! So do you call him, text him, complain to him or just ignore the whole thing? Here are your options and the most likely results!

Response                                                  Results

 Some might call this “playing games” and believe that you should just be honest and upfront. But I think this type of guy is the one playing here. If you have to rationalize why a guy is treating you a certain way then something is not right! I can assure you that when a guy is into you he calls you, thinks about you when you are not together and can’t wait to see you again. Choosing option 3 as your response is going to help you find out sooner than later how interested this guy is! Although it is highly unlikely that he falls into any of your silly rationalizations, choosing option 3 won’t hurt! He will either realize you won’t put up with the games and shape up. Or he will disappear and show you that he really isn’t interested enough to pursue the relationship or put any effort forth. Ladies I hear these stories all of the time! I know many of you are anxious to make it work but trust me when I say…it is not going to work!