Got Dumped?

Sep 4, 2010

Ever dated a someone that just started treating you like crap because they were hoping you would do the break up? Or perhaps you just started treating someone poorly because you couldn’t seem to fiigure out how to end that relationship? Whatever the situation is we have all been dumped or dumped someone at some point. It stings like a bee and hurts so badly for a few days, ok sometimes even weeks! I am not talking about long term marriages but those relationships that linger on for many months and seem to get worse and worse. We rationalize staying, hoping it will get better. And we end up dumped and needing to move on. Here are some tips on how to get over this and get over it fast!
1. Come on, there are a million things that this person did that drove you nuts! Everytime you think of a happy moment and miss him, replace that thought with an annoying, miserable one. Force yourself to think of the worst memoires.
2. Remember an earlier break up that you thought you would never get over. Think about how insignificant that is in your life today. And remind yourself this too will be another one of those insignifcant events as time passes.
3. Get back out there and start flirting! And if you want to just lie in bed and bury yourself in pity, think about what he is doing. Is he lieing in bed or is he out trying to move on? Life is short and you deserve to feel better! Don’t jump into the next relationship but flirt and feel great!

And my final tip is… Don’t ever let one jerk convince you that you should quit dating all together. No one person should have that much power over you. If you really want to find love than you will! But you need to believe you deserve it and never give up!

Shacking Up!

Jul 30, 2010

In summary you need to be very careful before making the decision to shack up! I find that the fantasy of shacking up is not always the reality. Let’s take a look at the men first. He imagines going out with the guys just as much but having the added bonus of the cute girlfriend waiting up for him. The idea of her cleaning, cooking and sharing expenses is very appealing too. Now the ladies typically have a different vision. They see themselves spending more time together. They look forward to sharing furniture, favorite TV shows and soon a puppy. They may see this as 1 step closer to getting that diamond ring.  Now not everyone has these exact fantasies but the point is to be sure you are both on the same page. Moving in together when you are not convinced that this is the person you are going to marry can lead to disaster. The emotional attachment along with the shared belongings (especially that new puppy) makes it harder to walk away from a relationship that was never quite right.

I have done both folks! I moved in with my first husband within one year of dating. We shacked up for years while all our friends were getting married. So we moved forward with our wedding, bought a home together, had a beautiful baby boy and landed in divorce court just after his first birthday. The second time around was different. His house sold just 2 weeks prior to our scheduled trip to Vegas. The ring was purchased and we were both sure of our commitment to each other. We had another child who just turned 3 and life is still happy!

Research shows that 8 out of 10 couples who live together before marriage end up breaking up or eventually divorced. Sure there are many cases, especially in second relationships where it works. Both agree that marriage is not of interest and they share the same vision for the relationship. The biggest mistake is believing that shacking up will fix a challenged relationship. Fix it first and I can assure you everyone will be much happier!