1. First thing you need to realize is that this is only as awful as you convince yourself! For some reason so many people resist believing me on this one but it is so very true! If you walk around day and night saying to yourself “I will never get over this” or “I can’t deal with the pain I am in” you will just keep convincing yourself and believing that this is a tragedy! So start saying other things in your head even if it hurts! Start saying “I saw the red flags and will learn from this experience” or “there is someone out there that is better for me that will treat me like I deserve”. Even if it feels like you are lying to yourself! Just say it!
2. Remember back to worse tragedies that you have experienced and it will help put things in perspective. Especially to those who have survived divorces and custody battles. A break up is hardly even comparable to something that traumatic.
3. Stop torturing yourself with all of the good memories. I often see women claiming that the sex and chemistry was so great! You can have great sex and chemistry with someone that doesn’t dump you or treat you like crap!
4. To the women that keep repeating “but I was so good to him, how could he do this to me?” Perhaps your issue is that you were too good to him. If you are constantly doting over your man, cooking, cleaning, offering to pick up his dry cleaning and let his dogs out you just might be too available. These girls tend to become doormats and nothing is less sexy! Don’t beat yourself up but learn from this. All that energy you put into being a great girlfriend should be poured right back in to taking care of yourself! Sure giving is great but if you are with someone that rarely reciprocates then you just might be his doormat.
5. Lastly, don’t ever swear off dating forever! All guys are not the same. But all the guys that you have attracted or that you gravitate towards are the same! Start changing the way you date and the choices you make and you will be amazed at how you can change your love life!

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1. First of all so many of the guys literally write a 5000 word essay in that ‘about me’ section. Internet dating is so time consuming as it is. If you honestly expect us to read the long boring profile and then take the time to respond and tell you why we are not compatible it is just not going to happen.
2. We are internet dating here. It is understood that you likely sent 25 messages to 25 different women. It is not as if we have some deep meaningful relationship that warrants any type of closure. No response means we are not interested. So please don’t even keep track of who you send to and you won’t need the closure.
3. Responding to you and telling you why we are not compatible only opens up a dialogue that we don’t want to have. We don’t want you responding trying to rebuttal our decision and believe me this does happen.
4. Do you really want to experience the excitement of seeing a message in your inbox only to get rejected moments later? Trust me we are saving you some grief.
5. It is my guess that these complaining men are window shopping and only writing to the women that are total tens. Usually those profiles are fake and will respond asking you for a credit card. Come back to reality and say hello to the cute girl next door and things might change.
6. And lastly, (this is harsh) if you are continually getting rejected and ignored stop dodging the bullet. The real issue isn’t that women are rude and not responding! The real issue is you! Perhaps you are only seeking women that are not in your criteria, perhaps your profile has 7 typos, or maybe you are not smiling in any pics. It could be anything. Figure it out before too much more time gets wasted.

Personally I think internet dating is fantastic. And there are many great men and women out there. I recently mentored a client through her first match.com experience and helped her screen 100’s of profiles. We found many great guys in the end. Some responded and some ignored her. Honestly, we only paid attention to those who responded and didn’t give it a second thought. It is a lot of work but well worth it in the end. I am one of those match.com success stories and am glad Blazman responded to my message 11 years ago. It does work!

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I have to tell you that I am not a fan of this casual sex. But if you have to do it then keep these things in mind.

1. Is it casual sex or are you being used? I hear so many women convincing themselves that they have a friend with benefits or a casual lover. It is as if putting one of these labels on it makes it more meaningful. Let me be blunt…if he is f!@#ing you while waiting for something better to come along and you are into him…you are being used for sex. If you are both using each other and you are fine with this, that is a different story.
2. If you are going to have a casual sex partner, friend with benefits or lover I suggest you go straight for the player! I know men hate this because it confirms the whole nice guys finish last theory! But honestly I don’t see these guys finishing anything beyond a hot night of sex. With the player, at least you know exactly what you are getting. There is far less guess work involved and most of the women I know having casual sex are still caught up in this type of guy. So if you are going to do it, make it worth it! Plus it is easier to rationalize being treated this way by someone who has a reputation of treating all women this way.
3. If you think for one minute that the casual sex you are having isn’t affecting your chances of meeting Mr. Right you just may be kidding yourself. See in most cases these sexual encounters with no strings attached leave you feeling like crap! This sets you back emotionally and puts you in a place that is far less attractive. Maybe not physically but the guy looking for a committed relationship sees beyond your physical shell. Also if you are feeling lazy and your part time lover is available you will likely gravitate to spending the night with him as opposed to heading out with girlfriends, going speed dating or any other option that could lead you to Mr. Right.
4. Ladies you don’t have to admit this to me but please admit it to yourself…If you think that you need to use your body to impress a man you are looking to impress the wrong men! Don’t get me wrong you need to have some sex appeal but being a confident, secure, funny and happy woman is going to lock the type of guy that you really want in for a lot longer than a roll in the hay!

With all of that said I want you to know that sex is great! And if you can truly have a casual relationship with someone sexually and feel good about yourself then I fully encourage you to do that. Of course assuming he wears a condom but I hope that goes without saying! I will add that there are many women using men for sex as well. So guys just switch the pronoun and the advice works both ways!

What I have learned from experience is that sex with someone who knows and loves you far exceeds the casual and often selfish encounter. But I understand fully that we all have needs! Just be honest with yourself about what you are doing, what you really want and don’t miss any opportunities to find it! Because you really deserve to have it all!

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1. Asks you out but seems to be completely unavailable between dates?
2. Invites you to meet him at a restaurant but isn’t clear as to whether it means dinner or drinks?
3. Says he will call you Friday to confirm the date and when you give in and text him on Saturday he acts like it was already confirmed?
4.  Seems interested but the relationship doesn’t seem to be escalating?

If you find yourself dating this ambivalent type of guy I imagine you are pretty annoyed! You are excited that he offers to call a day ahead to confirm the date and wait anxiously for the call. Down deep you wonder why he can’t just text or say hello to you prior to the confirmation but you have rationalized this in your head. You create some ridiculous notion that he is busy with the kids or taking it slow. Friday night comes and he doesn’t call or text. You so want to go out with him on Saturday and it has really been the highlight of your week! So do you call him, text him, complain to him or just ignore the whole thing? Here are your options and the most likely results!

Response                                                  Results

 Some might call this “playing games” and believe that you should just be honest and upfront. But I think this type of guy is the one playing here. If you have to rationalize why a guy is treating you a certain way then something is not right! I can assure you that when a guy is into you he calls you, thinks about you when you are not together and can’t wait to see you again. Choosing option 3 as your response is going to help you find out sooner than later how interested this guy is! Although it is highly unlikely that he falls into any of your silly rationalizations, choosing option 3 won’t hurt! He will either realize you won’t put up with the games and shape up. Or he will disappear and show you that he really isn’t interested enough to pursue the relationship or put any effort forth. Ladies I hear these stories all of the time! I know many of you are anxious to make it work but trust me when I say…it is not going to work!

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Most are going to tell you that this is because your profile looks like crap and it needs a makeover. Now for some this is a simple solution. But I think that the profile that you created is reflection of who you are, how you see yourself and what you believe you deserve.

If you are wearing a sexy bikini in your picture (and you are not at the beach) you will likely attract men that are mostly thinking about having sex with you. If your profile shares too much about a past relationship that was awful you will most likely attract someone who is co-dependent and wants to rescue you (not very sexy after a while). If you are constantly bragging about yourself you will attract those who are vulnerable and naïve and believe whatever you bragged about was important. When in reality bragging is a sign of low self-esteem that will mostly be appealing to other with a low self-esteem.

So it is not that all men are jerks or all women are bitches. It is that you have created a profile to attract what you think you deserve, whether you realize this or not!

Many will sign up for online dating believing it will fail them. And then it feels like a victory when you meet some jerk because it validates this ridiculous belief that you have created!

Now you don’t need a big therapeutic intervention to change your beliefs and start attracting the right partner. You just need to identify what beliefs that need to be thrown away. Make a list of all those negative beliefs and then compare it to the message your profile is delivering. If you believe all men just want sex try putting some clothes on in those pictures and see what else you can attract. This may take a little work initially! But not nearly as much work as having one failed internet dating experience after the next.

Good luck with this and let me know how it worked for you!

datedoctor@got5minutes.com

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1. Ladies if you do the laundry switch things up once in a while. Take your sexiest pair of underwear and accidentally or not so accidentally put them in your spouses drawer with his socks and boxers. He is sure to blush when he picks them up.

2. After a hot shower the mirror in the bathroom is always covered with steam. Write a little sexy message in the steam and next time they take a shower they will be sure to smile when they read your note.

3. Some couples keep a magazine rack in their bathroom. I suggest keeping a flirt journal in there as well. Just a little journal that you and your spouse can write flirty, sexy messages back and forth to each other.

4. Conveniently get trapped in the pantry or bathroom with your spouse. Sometimes those tight quarters force you to brush against each just to make your way through the room. This little touch can really ignite some wonderful feelings for both of you!

5. Put a little spray of perfume on his pillow. This is especially sweet if he comes to bed at a different time then you.

6. When you have kids some of these can be tricky! One of my favorites occurred while making dinner a little while back. I happened to be cooking alphabet french fries as a side dish. I took the time to collect the letters to spell out the kids names. Then I thought about my husband. Instead of find his name I just found the letters to spell…U R HOT. My kids giggled and thought it was silly of mommy. But my husband got the message loud and clear!

Instead of making excuses not to flirt try something new and different in your marriage! Hopefully your spouse will likely reciprocate and your marriage will benefit tremendously.

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1. We love getting flowers because it makes us feel special. But if you are buying flowers for me and you haven’t even met me it is a little weird. Do you just buy flowers for every girl you take out on a first date? If that is the case then this bouquet of roses will not make me feel special. In fact, I just might give them back to you at the end of the date so you can recycle them and give them to your date tomorrow night.
2. It is awkward! Especially if we are meeting in a restaurant. I am stuck holding this bouquet of flowers. Even worse if it comes in a vase and I put it on the table. Then we have this huge distraction the entire dinner. And it brings attention to the date. Everyone walking by looks and smiles as they see the flowers. First dates should be quick and low key! It is awkward enough without this giant centerpiece.
3. When someone is on the fence, the worst thing you can do is push them! Typically on the first date, the girl is on the fence. She hopes to like you but isn’t totally sure yet. Giving her the roses just may be the push that will knock her off the fence. Slow down and connect first and the roses (or whatever her favorite flower is) will be much more appreciated in time.

I know there are many ladies reading this that are thinking I will ruin their chances of getting flowers now. The truth is these girls would only welcome the roses if they were from a guy that they were totally into. Because there is no way of knowing this information ahead of time, don’t take the risk! Show up on the date with a confident smile, a positive attitude and don’t accidentally leave your wallet at home and you will be just fine!

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You start to feel that surge of panic. And you ask yourself this ridiculous question…Am I too needy? You begin to rationalize that things progressed quickly and perhaps he just needs a little space. You fight the urge to follow up an unanswered text with a phone call and convince yourself you are being too needy. You seek advice from friends and only listen to those who are convincing you that everything is fine because this calms you for the moment. You try your best to stay busy and keep your cool but down deep you know that something has changed!

When someone changes their behavior in a relationship it simply means that someone’s feelings have changed. Perhaps they become so comfortable with you that they begin spending more time with you, or the dreaded possibility that they are losing interest and they pull back.

Ladies you are not too needy because you want a guy that will consistently call and text you. You are not too needy because you want someone that thinks about you throughout the day and calls you for no apparent reason. You are not too needy because you want to ensure that your date night is still on. The reality is a little more painful! You are not too needy but he may have lost interest.

If suddenly he is pulling back it is likely because he has lost interest. Sure sometimes there may be an unusual circumstance that provokes this behavior. Perhaps a parent comes to visit causing some stress or he gets trapped in an endless work meeting. But most of the time when your gut is telling you that he is pulling away you’re exactly right. So naturally you feel a little needy and just might act out those feelings. This will eventually force him to end it and you are left believing that your neediness has driven yet another guy away.

I think this is important to take a close look at. Because you just may be targeting the wrong issue. If you are turning guys off before the neediness kicks in try to figure out what it is. This way you have the opportunity to change it forever and therefore change your dating pattern. Perhaps you are always engaging in friend’s drama, perhaps you get defensive over little things, or maybe you talk incessantly. The truth is only you can really figure out what annoying attributes you possess. And only you can make a positive change to attract a lasting relationship. Some may read this with the attitude that they are not changing. I understand the defensiveness and am not asking anyone to change for a guy! But if you are annoying and doing something to turn off the opposite sex, I think it would be better to know what it is then pretend it doesn’t exist. Just my opinion…I am sure many of you have others.

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We all parent differently and very often it is a reflection of our own upbringing as well as that divorce guilt that influences just how we parent. This doesn’t mean it can’t be changed though. A little sensitivity can go a long way when talking about such a personal topic! Follow these quick tips and things will go much more smoothly.

1. Meeting the kids is as personal as having sex! It is a precious thing and doesn’t need to be shared with just any random person we are dating. Save it until you know this relationship has a future. By this time the communication will be stronger and you just might be more opened to their feedback about your parenting.
2. If the parenting style of someone you are dating needs fine tuning put things in perspective. Do you want to help this parent improve their parenting style or just put them down for a skill they lack? If you want to help them then approach with some sensitivity. For example, instead of saying, “what the heck is wrong with you, these kids are turning into complete pansies” you might want to say “I can see how much you love your kids but you are really over protecting them and not preparing them for many things to come”. I know some people will still take offense to this. If they don’t come around and show a willingness to grow and learn then perhaps this is not a good match for you.
3. If your new love interest is getting to know your kids and some conflicts arise just relax! Kids need to work through conflicts and adjust to all personality styles. You may feel the need to jump in and rescue your child. But trust that you were attracted to this person you are dating for a reason and if you trust that your child is in their best interest then just step back! They may surprise you how well they can work through and grow from the experience without you always jumping in.

I commend anyone willing to date someone with kids. It is initially a challenge but can certainly add to any relationship. I speak from personal experience on this one and some days need to follow my own advice! Parents that feel guilty about the divorce and always jump to protect your kids…you are not helping them! Sometimes the hardest thing to do is step back and let your kids work things out!

And remember this…your children are sponges and learn so much about relationships from watching their parents. Find a healthy, happy relationship and don’t feel guilty about enjoying life. You kids deserve to see you happy!

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First let me tell you this whole concept is ridiculous! Why would the school even consider trying to teach these students that crushes, dating and love are valuable in High School? These are the same schools that run from talking about sex with the students. Oh right, health class does teach the basics about sex but I haven’t seen a curriculum that teaches kids about respecting their bodies, experiencing pleasure or how to handle the emotions tied in with sex. But they do teach you how to roll a condom over your penis. Thanks for your part public schools!

Because I never learned this as a teenager I will share with all of you today, 25 years later, why I never got a rose. Don’t get me wrong now, boys did notice me! I had a great body, cool clothes and well my face was fine. I was able to disguise my broken nose with make-up and big hair. Some didn’t even notice, at least I hoped. But locking a guy in after the sexy make out session in his car while drunk at a Quality Steel party was where I failed. And here are the reasons…

1. Too available-When I had a crush on someone I would wait for them to arrive to the party and run straight up to them. I would call them if they didn’t call me, show up at their work and be right in front of their face any chance I had. Basically I had no game what so ever.
2. I had no hobbies or interests outside these boys. So after the make out session, if I even had a chance to have phone call with them, I had nothing to talk about.
3. No Self Esteem-I truly thought that all guys really wanted was a girl that looked hot. I know some of you guys are laughing because that is important! But eventually you have to scratch the surface and need to like what is underneath that sexy shell. With me I had very little so I just threw my body at them and couldn’t figure out why that wasn’t enough to keep them coming back!

Life is a learning experience and I hold know regrets or grudges. I gave these guys permission to treat me this way and honestly I didn’t warrant a rose back then!

Today I am proud to say I have learned from every one of those mistakes! Valentine’s Day is no longer something I dread! And it is not because I get roses (in fact I don’t). It is because I love and respect myself now. And because of that, I have brought a wonderful relationship into my life.

To learn more about all of those mistakes I made… grab your copy of Crush today. I share every detail about my lifetime of crushes and offer advice to each one! http://www.amazon.com/Crush-Lessons-learned-through-lifetime/dp/1463586345/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313282994&sr=1-1

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