Nov
22

2


The first Thanksgiving after my divorce was a tough one. Here I was with a 2 year old little boy and everything around us was closed. I could see neighbors climbing into their cars with pies and packages in their hands as they headed to see loved ones. This was painful for me to watch.

My mother died a few year earlier, my dad remarried and moved south with his new wife and my sister was with her in-laws who apparently passed judgement on my recent divorce. I was lucky enough to have an invite to a friend’s house later that evening but passing the time until 6:oo PM seemed endless.

I remember taking my little 2 year old son to Blockbuster because it was the only place opened. It was actually quite crowded, My son loved to look at all the movie covers and I was interested in watching all the different people walking in and out of the store. I was sad, lonely and wished I had a family, a turkey and an apple pie to enjoy on this day.

I share this with you today to tell you I was at a low point too. I have heard so many of my single clients struggle on this day. Here are just a few…

  1. I dread driving alone to my relatives and being single another year.
  2. It is not my year with my kids and that hurts.
  3. It is just another day and I am spending it with netflix.
  4. I had a big loss and this holiday reminds me of some sadness.
  5. I dread my relatives asking about my love life.

All I want any of you to know is that you are not alone. I promise I won’t convince you to go volunteer or get over your self pity. Because sometimes we need to just experience those feelings in order to move on from them.

But every stage in our life is temporary. If you are alone or sad this year I can assure you it will pass. Remember a time when you were very sad in the past. And remind yourself that you got over that sad time. And most likely you learned something from it.

Today my house is full. My 2 year old blockbuster date is now 18, I am married again and I have a 10 year old son. My brother and sister-in-law flew in from Buffalo and my other sister-in-law and nephew are on their way. There is a turkey in the oven and plenty of pies waiting for us.

I don’t share this to make you sick. I wish I had a crystal ball and could see you happy and laughing next year. I promise you this is possible. And I promise you that if this year is tough you will remember how you survived a tough period in life and feel proud of your accomplishment.

Today I am proudest of my toughest years! I learned so much from those experiences. Try to make the most of your day. Figure out what makes you feel good? Go buy a fun craft activity at Walmart, make your favorite pie, reach out to an old friend, jump on an online dating site, redecorate a room, go to Blockbuster (okay I realize they are all closed but you get the point)! Find some joy in today by doing something that makes you feel great. Someday this tough year will be an amazing story you can share with someone you love that is having a tough time. And the story will be much better if you can share something positive you did that got you through it!

 

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2 Responses to “My Thanksgiving Date”

  1. Deborah vincent says:

    Thank you. I cried as I read this. It’s not my first holiday single but never thought it would last this long. My holidays have changed terribly and I need to start some new traditions staring me in the lead role. Thank you for your kind thoughts and words.deb

  2. Ron says:

    Yesterday, the day before Thanksgiving started on an extremely sad note for me. I have Google photos as an application on my smartphone. Unfortunately it picked that day to send me a reminder of what had happened 2 years and also 3 years ago. During that past timeframe I thought my life was perfect in many ways. I was married, I had two wonderful stepchildren, one of whom was married with two children, my beloved grandchildren. The picture that appeared on my smartphond was me and my grandson spending the day together having a great. Him and I were extremely close and always had been since the minute he was born. During the past two years I lost both my parents. My wife of 23 years sent me an email that she was divorcing me which I received at the same exact second I was saying my final goodbye in person to my mothe who I was visting in Florida. Mom passsed a few months later. I never believed my ex during a heated argument a few years earlier when she threatened me that she would divorce me, and that I won’t have any relationship with my step kids or grandkids.. But that’s what happened. Though those kids were not my kids and the grandkids were not my direct grandkids, I loved them with all my heart and was always there for them as their father and grand father. Less than a year ago my nephew, who I helped raise like a son took his own life, leaving behind 3 beautiful young dsughters. There’s also been a few other losses I’ve had in the last 2 years that were earth shattering to me on top of everything. I finally started saying when the next devastating even happened to get in line!.

    So this Thanksgiving is especially difficult for me. I also moved to a new area 2 years ago to be with my wife at the time, and spend thevrest of my life to be with, near my step kids and grandkids kids. But since my divorce they have since completely ostracized me, shockingly as my ex predicted. ( Since I was not related to them by blood, they justify this rejection of me because I was only a step father)

    Today, and this whole holiday season is extremely sad for me, full of lonely feelings, and hard to face. But i have to remind my self to be grateful and see how fortunate I am. Since moving here, where I absolutely knew no one I have formed some wonderful friendships. Some through a great website site and application called Meetup. . I actually found new friends that truly care for me. But at the same time I am a single person and a lot of them are coupled up, or have a family and will be with their family and loved ones. So today, Thanksgiving 2017, I will spend it alone. I did all my grieving yesterday after that stupid google photo application sent me photos of me and my granson. I asked myself this morning why has my life taking all those devasting turns, and why do I feel so sad,after all it is just another day, the sun rises and sets just like yesterday and just like it will tomorrow. My feelings and thoughts are mine to choose. So i decided that i am choosing to feel happy and grateful for what i do have in my life. I decided that I’m going to go out today as I found a couple bars and resturants in my area that offer freeThanksgiving dinners. Some would like you to donate money or something, others just show up. I decided I want to find be with others, strangers even, but with other people like me and maybe in the same place as me. I said to.myself you never know who I will meet or what will happen, perhaps a new friendship will form or maybe I’ll meet a lady that we find are mutually attractive to. Who knows what will happen. I do know that unless I think positively and force myself to go out I will be very sad and not happy.

    I say this to everyone out there who is experiencing some great sadness and loss during these holidays, today and coming up, try to move yourself through it if you can, maybe go be somewhere where there are people you don’t know because you never know who you’re going to meet a new best friend or perhaps even the love of your life.

    I can not truly say ” happy thanksgiving” but I can say:

    May the blessings be!!

    Ron

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