Shacking Up!

Jul 30, 2010

In summary you need to be very careful before making the decision to shack up! I find that the fantasy of shacking up is not always the reality. Let’s take a look at the men first. He imagines going out with the guys just as much but having the added bonus of the cute girlfriend waiting up for him. The idea of her cleaning, cooking and sharing expenses is very appealing too. Now the ladies typically have a different vision. They see themselves spending more time together. They look forward to sharing furniture, favorite TV shows and soon a puppy. They may see this as 1 step closer to getting that diamond ring.  Now not everyone has these exact fantasies but the point is to be sure you are both on the same page. Moving in together when you are not convinced that this is the person you are going to marry can lead to disaster. The emotional attachment along with the shared belongings (especially that new puppy) makes it harder to walk away from a relationship that was never quite right.

I have done both folks! I moved in with my first husband within one year of dating. We shacked up for years while all our friends were getting married. So we moved forward with our wedding, bought a home together, had a beautiful baby boy and landed in divorce court just after his first birthday. The second time around was different. His house sold just 2 weeks prior to our scheduled trip to Vegas. The ring was purchased and we were both sure of our commitment to each other. We had another child who just turned 3 and life is still happy!

Research shows that 8 out of 10 couples who live together before marriage end up breaking up or eventually divorced. Sure there are many cases, especially in second relationships where it works. Both agree that marriage is not of interest and they share the same vision for the relationship. The biggest mistake is believing that shacking up will fix a challenged relationship. Fix it first and I can assure you everyone will be much happier!

Quick Tips for Match.com

Jul 9, 2010

I am one of the many who can actually say that match.com works! I met my husband 9 years ago on this site and I even have a match.com baby who is about to turn 3. Why does it work so well for some and not others? The most obvious reason is attitude! Many folks have decided prior to even creating their profile that it will never work. And with that attitude they are absolutely correct! But it you can go into it with a positive attitude than these tips will make all the difference. Here goes…

1. The pics are the most important thing about this site. Everyone is looking for chemistry and not a person out there doesn’t go straight for the pics. So please don’t post your cat, dog, boat, sunset, car or anything else that people don’t really care about. They want to see you and you within the past year. One close up face and one candid is plenty. It is not facebook so you don’t need endless albums.

2. Well I said pics are the most important so it is going to take 2 tips to cover this subject. Don’t pose for a pic with others in the pic. Especially if they are more attractive than you! If you are self conscious about your weight don’t stand next to that friend that is a size 2. If you have to pose with someone else just be sure that you are the better looking one in the pic.  This may sound harsh but I repeat…everyone is looking for that chemistry.

3. Don’t write a book. Keep it simple and capture what makes you special. If you can throw something funny in there as well. But a favorite poem or speech instead of describing yourself is just distracting. And don’t use the templates offered by match. It is obvious when you are doing that.

4. If you are local 4 or 5 emails over a couple of days is enough before initiating that first date. Unless you are simply looking for a pen pal. I hear so many folks complain about endless hours of emails and never getting to the date. If they don’t initiate it than you need to in order not to waste time.

5. GOOGLE! Can we all agree that the word “google” is now a verb? You can find out so much about someone through a quick google search. It can also be pretty entertaining and may bring you to more pics.

Those are my top 5 tips and I followed every one of them. Have fun and if match is not working for you, there is always speed dating : )

Some Guys Will Never Change

May 16, 2010

Brad Paisley’s girlfriend (girlfriend in the video) played it just perfect. She said, “I would have to choose If I hit that fishin’ hole today she’d be packin’ all her things and she’d be gone by noon”. And as you can see she left! Much better than just nagging and bitching at him all the time. Here is the deal ladies, if there is ever a chance he is going to change he will only get there if he see you won’t accept the annoying behavior. Be tough and clear and let him know what your deal breakers are. Avoid the nagging or he will just think you are nuts. In the case of Brad, he was never going to change! So funny how he has seconds thoughts of running back to her but the waters right and the weathers perfect. Well now she knows for sure that this guy was always going to put fishing fishing and that is not cool with her.

Obviously this is not a true story but a hilarious way to teach the ladies a good lesson.

Mom, Please!

May 9, 2010

I remember dating when I was in high school and college. My mom loved to embarrass me any chance she could! I was dating this guy from college and he was coming for a visit over the summer break. I pleaded with my mom to act “normal”. C’mon mom just pretend you are making dinner, I would request. She said sure and proceeded to pick up the phone and pretend to be ordering take out. That is not as bad as the night she actually did attempt to cook dinner for one of my boyfriends. My dad describes the meatloaf recipe best. Take hamburg, shape in square, cook til burnt, serve cold.

Even funnier is when I brought a guy home just months after my college graduation. We pulled up to mom’s beautiful house on the beach. Mom thought she would be funny and hang my huge “Congratulations Jaimy” sign across the front porch. What once referred to my college graduation was now congratulating me for having a date. Fortunately, my date found it funny! You can imagine the look I gave my mom when I entered the house!

Well mom you certainly didn’t teach me how to cook! But you did teach me how to laugh!

My mom died 15 years ago but some of my fondest memories revolve around dating! If your date can’t appreciate your mom than my tip is… Move on!

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

After the Speed Dating

Apr 27, 2010

You walk through the door of Murphy and Scarletti’s into the dimly lit bar area. You look to the left as Jaimy instructed and see the private room. You wonder so many things… anyone cute in there, will that guy pick me, did I wear the right thing, what the heck am I going to talk about…As all these thoughts are piling up Jaimy and her staff greet you with a smile, explain the ice breaker and boom you have begun a night of speed dating. Before you know it the bell is ringing every 5 minutes and the night is flying by. All of a sudden Laurie is collecting the date cards and the night is over. Wow 15 dates in less than 90 minutes. Seems like a world record. You get home and you made a match. Perhaps you selected a few singles and but only got one. Don’t whine and complain about that. It is simply terrific that you had a mutual attraction with someone that evening. Now do you wait for them to call, do you wonder if they had multiple matches, focus your energy on the match you didn’t get? No way! If you made a match shoot them an email! Something quick and friendly. Perhaps a follow up comment about a discussion you shared or a joke about the evening. Don’t wait! Perhaps they did get multiple matches? Let your email be the first one they see when they arrive home.

 I know this tip works from personal experience. When I was on match.com nine long years ago I tried it myself. Every morning I viewed the newly posted match.com profiles and emailed them that very moment. I was the very first girl that emailed Erik just moments after he posted his picture. Although he was my 13th date, I was his very first! Nine years later we are still together! Happily married and raising our family. Sure there is a lot of rejection in internet dating and speed dating. But don’t be afraid to feel a little bit of rejection because it just brings you so much closer to finding that great relationship! I hope to see you at an event soon! Jaimy